Embracing Life
Gracious living
involves giving/receiving in equal measure
Until my life odometer turned over the fifth decade, I considered the above affirmation to be a sacred directive from a divine source. Learning the valuable lesson that receiving is equally important as giving was a significant gift attained on my fiftieth birthday.
Forty-five years prior, on the fifth anniversary of my birth, my mother invited relatives and neighborhood pals to celebrate. While my memory fails to fully remember the occasion, I have black and white photographs, showing balloons and crepe paper decorating our backyard, proving the party took place.
In between those two celebrations, I believed my needs were unimportant and my pleasure should be derived exclusively from helping others. Living literally by the verbiage in Acts 20:35 of the New International Version of the King James Bible, “In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.”What I failed to realize was for every giver there must be a recipient and it is okay to occasionally take pleasure in receiving.
I learned this lesson from my daughter when she quickly planned my first birthday party in more than four decades. With little notice, my friends rearranged their busy schedules and found time to attend my surprise shindig. On that unforgettable afternoon, Loni took me to a matinee movie. She knew that spending time with her would fulfill my needs. Leisurely returning home, slowly opening the front door, I gradually realized that my home was overflowing with wall-to-wall people. In seemingly slow motion, one by one, I hugged each cherished guest.
As the evening progressed, I was asked to open presents brought in celebration of my birth. My first reaction was to promise to tackle that task after everyone left for the evening. I preferred to enjoy the company of the people who cared enough to participate in my most memorable day. The hidden truth, however, was my embarrassment to accept their tangible gifts. When a concerned comrade gently suggested that to open my gifts would be proper etiquette, I proceeded to methodically, reluctantly, unhurriedly expose each wrapped treasure. At that point, it was impossible to conceal my deep appreciation. Friends and family patiently smiled as they watched me admire each package and truly savor the surprise tokens that dwelled beneath the carefully removed ribbons and bows. One spectator commented that I should hold training sessions on how to receive gifts. Amazed, shocked, and even a bit self-conscious about her statement, I hesitated for a moment to feel and savor my intense gratitude and joy in being in the receiver role. An even grander revelation was recognizing how the givers in the room were enjoying my happiness.
Robert Greenleaf said, “Receiving requires genuine humility that may be uncomfortable and difficult to achieve, whereas giving poses the risk of arrogance which, unfortunately, is easy to come by.”
Am I arrogant? Since I am more critical of myself than anyone else could ever be, I seriously pondered Greenleaf’s statement. Perhaps I am guilty, but not in the literal definition of arrogance. Since I struggle with low self-esteem issues, does my eagerness to give boost my self-perception of being a good person? Or, do I unconsciously believe that I do not deserve compliments, gifts or recognition? After considerable soul searching, I found both theories to be partially accurate conclusions. Receiving challenged who I am; it shattered the walls I painstaking built to conceal my low self-worth and unlocked the emotional floodgate to my vulnerability. Giving empowered my ego to feel responsible for improving the lives of others.
On my fiftieth birthday I began to embrace the generosity of others. Learning to trust that givers can be genuine and believing that I am a worthy recipient, was the greatest gift of my lifetime.
Donna Bonnell may be contacted at donna@towerpublications.com.
