Embracing Life
Am I meek - or weak?
Possessing the assertiveness and self-confidence required to reach my professional potential has been a lifelong challenge. Colleagues continue to encourage my advancement and have faith in my capabilities. Recently, a friendly lunchtime discussion ensued between a group of trusted co-workers over whether I was meek or weak. Their question prompted another quest in my pursuit of personal growth. Understanding the difference between the two distinctly different characteristics - meekness and weakness - was the first step of my new journey.
Meek means showing patience, humility and being gentle. Weak indicates lacking in physical or mental strength, importance or influence. The Rev. Greg Laurie, senior pastor of Harvest Christian Fellowship in California, helped me in my search for knowledge. Laurie writes in his September 13, 2008 column, "Sometimes we equate meekness with weakness. A good definition of meekness is 'power under constraint.' Meekness is not weakness. Meekness is being able to do something, yet choosing not to. Weakness is not being able to do anything."
Laurie's explanation of weakness defined my personality as a youth and young adult. I was incapable of defending myself at any level. Suppressing resentment and pretending to live an ideal life was my forté. Survival depended on continuously striving to become a better person. My self-imposed job was to keep everything in order (without making any mistakes) and maintain peace. As a result, I became a perfectionist. Anything that went haywire was my fault.
I later learned I had created my own insecure monster by allowing individuals to take advantage of my pathetic 'good' nature. My behavior was self-destructive and detrimental to those around me. I became an enabler and was definitely weak.
The turning point in my life transpired when my mother passed away from liver failure at the age of 55. Because of my inability to assist my mom in conquering her addictions, she died. Panicked by my ineffectiveness as a daughter, I was frightened that I would also fail as a mother. By that time, I had two precious babies. My intense desire for my children to have a better life led me to seek help.
Professional counselors taught me how to protect myself emotionally. My mending began by first feeling the raw emotion of anger. Since repressing anger was routine, I was numb. Ingrained with a submissive sickness, this strange new bitter concept (anger) was confusing.
Learning how to respond appropriately and effectively to improper, inappropriate and insensitive demands was (and is) the key to my development.
This process created another obstacle to overcome. As I began to defend myself, learned to say no and realized I had value even if I made errors, I second-guessed my decisions. Occasions occurred when I was furious at someone or something, voiced my opinion and felt good about taking a stand. However, when my adrenaline rush wore off, I hated myself and regretted my actions.
In striving for stability, I studied a variety of sources and learned that sometimes we should be angry. Reneau Peurifoy, author of "Taming the Angry Beast," explains, "Anger is appropriate when three things are true: 1) a real threat exists, 2) the level of your anger is proportional to the level of the threat, and 3) when your actions effectively reduce the threat with the least amount of harm to yourself and others."
Conversely, the motivation generated by anger can take the form of a variety of violent acts, tantrums, critical remarks or pouting. Perhaps individuals incapable of maintaining self-control are weak in their ability to control anger.
Both definitions of weak are destructive. Evolving from weak to meek is my newest aspiration. Like many things, meekness requires balance. Maintaining meekness and not weakness is a tremendous tedious task, but one worth embracing.
I related to a recent blog on www.oossabooga.spaces.live.com. The writer compared meekness to a valuable and rich fruit by saying, "If meekness were a fruit, perhaps it would be a pineapple. Pineapple can be both sweet, and a little tart. It is sweet and mild, but it has just enough 'kick' to it to produce a bold flavor."
Simple answers to difficult questions arrive daily, sometimes in the form of a fruit analogy.
