Embracing Life
Jay Travis Jernigan, Expert at Extreme Spontaneity
When our best man decided our traditional wedding cake-cutting ceremony was too sophisticated, he intervened. Without hesitation, Jay Travis Jernigan smeared my husband and me with a sizable serving of the sweet treat. His mischievous grin dared us to retaliate. We did. The three of us stood suitably caked with sticky icing. Our guests were not sure if they should laugh or gasp. Even though we were a little stunned by his unplanned stunt, it was what we loved most about our friend — his spontaneity.
Teaching individuals who were too cautious how to enjoy a more spontaneous lifestyle was his purpose in life. His charisma made breaking the rules or canceling the day's agenda the sensible thing to do. Jernigan's philosophy was to seize every opportunity, regardless of the consequences. He took whoever was with him along for the ride.
Fortunately, I rode on his wave of exhilaration for many years. I met his first wife, Pauletta Bastin, in junior high and we developed a strong friendship. She met Jernigan and fell in love. The divine intent of my relationship with her sweetheart was for me to learn how to relax and not take everything so seriously. My perfectionist-introverted personality needed help.
Multitudes of memories from our young adult impromptu escapades are safely stored in my mind. When I need a refresher course in reducing rigid-ness, I simply retrieve a file. In recent weeks, I recognized myself slipping too far to the solemn side of the scale and pulled a few mental folders.
The travel adventure file reminded me of several spontaneous trips. Reflecting on those silly sprees, I realize their objective was to weave an element of risk into my safety web of insecurities. They became lessons to lessen my fears.
One such adventure occurred when the Jernigan's first child was 5 weeks old and we were visiting. They decided to welcome baby Jennifer into her new world by taking a road trip. We loaded the car and drove across the border to Mexico.
That night we stayed in less than desirable accommodations, complete with a variety of pests and rodents, in a crime-ridden neighborhood. We purchased food from street vendors and explored the sights after sundown. Of course, I was completely unaware of the inherent danger in our actions. Jernigan knew, but the element of risk fed his adrenaline.
If it is possible to be obsessed with spontaneity, Jernigan was an addict. He never outgrew the roguish behavior or attended a 12-step program for rehabilitation. Excessive spontaneity caused a multitude of unnecessary problems for our best man.
Our friend's conception of utopia coincided with Stephen Stills' 1970 single, "Love the One You're With." Jernigan lived Still's lyrics, "Don't be angry. Don't be sad. Don't sit cryin' for good times you had. And if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."
Even though he and Pauletta cared dearly for each other, their marriage ended. Jernigan followed Stills' advice one too many times.
Shortly after their divorce, Jernigan became very ill with muscular sclerosis. MS was difficult to diagnose and treat in the 1970s. He suffered terrible pain as his body slowly deteriorated. Jernigan never complained or lost his love for living life on the edge.
His final wish was to have a fun funeral, not a planned memorial service. A parking meter would serve as his tombstone. Jernigan's instructions were to deposit enough coins to allow the maximum amount of time on the meter. Family and friends were to gather around his gravesite and party until the time expired.
When he died from this dreadful disease, we honored his request. Today, in a small graveyard in Milton, Fla., the TIME EXPIRED flag marks the spot where Jernigan's remains rest. I have no doubt his spirit is dancing in Heaven and his impish smile is charming the cherubs.
Extreme spontaneity is reckless, and Jernigan made many irresponsible decisions. However, he was an unusual angel on a spiritual assignment to teach me how to balance seriousness and spontaneity. I am grateful for Jernigan's gift. §
